Is this person for real?
How high is the actual risk of connecting to the Internet? And how can you deal with it?
There is a lot to be said about dating on the anonymity of the internet. But it should also be said that sometimes you can’t trust a particularly promising dating profile or even the charming emails you receive. How do you treat someone who bends the truth a little better? And what is the real risk of getting connected to the internet?
You've probably heard from others: "If people are so great why do they have to advertise themselves?" or "People lie through their teeth on the Internet" is not exactly calming - but read these advices in order to prevent the dissapointment or even a heartbreak.
Is it all a con?
There is no getting rid of it. Some people lie on the internet. One survey suggested that when using online chat rooms and dating services, 35% of women and 80% of men failed to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth at least once. But it’s worth looking at things a little more closely. Where and why do people lie?
Chat rooms are often places for suggestive jokes where literal truth can sometimes be taken fairly easily, but are much less likely to travel on a more serious forum. There, probably every lie will be pretty harmless: maybe someone will shave a few years from their age, or add a few inches to their height - or a few thousand to their salary. These little “cosmetic improvements” don’t stop someone from finding a real desire for a satisfying relationship. People who completely figure out their biographies are few on trusted dating sites and their covers are blown fairly quickly.Don’t let these concerns stop you from dating on the internet. After all, some people would be perfectly capable of coming up with lies at a party or a bar, and there is no protection from anonymity.
How can you detect a total scam? Well, Avril (52) was very captivated by Roger after meeting him on the internet. "He seemed to offer everything I could hope for in a relationship." On the other hand, six weeks after their meeting, i have never been in my home. Not that he didn’t invite me: he suggested he come over every weekend, but every time the plan was changed at the last minute by the agreement. Avril only became suspicious when Roger told him that his dream was to sail around the world for several years — with her, of course. "I was wondering if he suddenly came in for money." - said Avril. Amikor kérdéseket tett fel neki a terveivel kapcsolatban, Roger kitérővé vált. - Csak bízz bennem - mondta ... amit Avril tett, mígnem egy napon váratlanul becsengetett, és az anyját felvette a vonalba. Most történt, hogy Roger nemrégiben lemondta Avril tervezett látogatását otthonában egy nagyon fontos ok miatt: az édesanyja, így mondta Avrilnek, éppen meghalt. Avril most rájött, hogy ideje szakítani „álomemberével”. Azt nem lehet pontosan tudni, mennyit talált ki Roger. Élt az édesanyjával - vagy esetleg a feleségével? Őszintén szólva Avril nem érdekelt többet.
Az Avril tapasztalatai az a tanulságok, hogy jó kezdeni azzal, ha feltételezzük, hogy valaki megbízható, de nyitva kell tartania mindazt, ami e-mailben, telefonon vagy négyszemközt nem igaz. Az interneten csak annyit tudsz, amit a másik ember mondott neked - ezért ügyelj arra, hogy az ösztöneid és az intuíciód be legyen hangolva az esetleges hamis feljegyzések lehallgatására.
Forget about them pink lense glasses!
If you're in contact with someone and they don't want you to visit them in their home then that might mean they are hiding something. The same goes if you just enter a mobile or office number - or blow you off regularly if you want to get together, or don’t introduce you to friends and contacts. Of course such behaviour can have reasonable and rightfull reasons, but that shouldn't stop you from asking a couple questions - of course not in an accusatory manner. What reactions do you get to your questions? Are they ignored, distracted by vague statements such as, “This isn’t important right now,” or perhaps rejected in a dramatic sense with outbursts like, “But love must be based on trust!”?
Ordinary male liars like to make great gestures, with great promises (“But, my dear, I am always available with my private jet”) or the tense stories of their past lives. Their female counterparts usually play the card of sexual seduction, yet they only play with the feelings of the man.
Sadly if everything seems too good to be true then it probably isn't. Take your time to see the other in various everyday situations. If you are insecure about something, but don't know for sure why, it can help to discuss the situation with an understanding friend.
Obviously, you can’t trust someone who pretends to be looking for a long-term relationship, but he’s really just a “little side by side”. Liars can also surrender by claiming their professional status - a “CEO” who is actually a management assistant, for example. Yet if one is ashamed to admit in the first telephone conversation that he is in fact a few years older than he claimed, or admits some minor bending of the truth, he can easily ignore it and perhaps laugh a little at the other person about it. Probably everyone was considering doing something like this. But the usual liars skate on thin ice. It’s not good for people to expect you to be something you aren’t - and some have a very low tolerance for dishonesty. Take advantage of the distinction - in your profile or in the first messages you send in correspondence with a recommended partner. For example, you could say something like, “I’m not the typical idea for Grandma,” or anything else. Also, don’t forget that Redxter is about finding someone who loves you for who you are - ultimately, that’s true compatibility.